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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Things My Mother Says-- That Make Me Laugh

Mothers are renowned for their pearls of wisdom, their wive's tales, and the things they say that make you go:  "Like yeah, right!"

It's not that you want to disagree.  But what she has told you makes ever so little since and yet somehow deep inside you're sure it's got to be true. But how?

Here are some of the things my mother says to me that make me laugh:

They are things that I will probably say one day-- when I am a mother.

-- Why are you always trying to be different?
    I'm not trying mom.  I don't have to.  I just AM different.

-- You don't marry someone unless God reveals it to you.
     Okay, okay.  Got it.

--Is he another one of those with a "revelation" that she is his wife?
   Uhm....I thought you weren't s'posed to marry anyone without a revelation.

-- Guys usually pick a girl who is like his mother.  Girls will usually pick someone like their father.
    I thought God had a hand in this.  You tell me to let God pick my spouse.

--  When you've found the right one, you'll just know.  You'll just know.
     No comment.  It's true, but I have no comment on this one.  So you think I'm likely to pick someone who is a lot like my dad- but I have to let God pick my spouse, and when it's the right one- I"LL JUST KNOW!  K- this is awesome!

-- Don't worry about it.  It'll happen soon enough and before you know it.
    Right.  You've been happily married for 21 years.  21 years have distorted your memory of how I feel right now.

-- You'll understand when you're married.
    AKA - it's something you just can't say so I'll have to be just as cryptic when I get there.  Got it.

-- If you act like that you'll never get married.
    I thought you said to be yourself- there's someone for everyone.

-- You'll think differently when you have kids.
 What kids?  Now you're acting like I will for sure get married.  There's someone for everyone- right.  Got it.

--  You're going to marry some mamsy-pamsy.
    Uhm....no-- he'll be the one God gives me and he'll probably be a lot like my dad.

-- You'll probably marry some cowboy and be poor.
    He who has a barn full of horses is wealthy in spirit.

--Maybe it isn't God's will for you to have horses.
   Yeah, the Lord made me to be born into the world wish such a passion just so he can beat it out of me and force me to be happy in an apartment with a city-slicker who can't even drive a nail to hang a picture... you know, that mamsy pamsy you prophesied of.

-- Don't talk like that with all those big words.  Girls with sense in their head and talents intimate guys.
    Good.  That'll chase all the simpletons away and leave Mr. Amazing standing there just for me!!  A renaissance man!

-- Lemme see your pictures.  Yeah... your selection looks pretty poor.
    Selection?

-- You'll chase all the good ones away acting like that.
    Good ones?  Come again?!

-- You're "boy-crazy"!
    How come?  Because the one I was curious to get to talk to made me feel unwelcome from the word "Go" and an entire year later my curiosity turns to someone I had foregone showing curiosity about because of the previous curiosity?!

-- You're past that "stage".  Your hormones have settled.
    Good to know.  I think that's why it took me an entire year to pick myself up, dust myself off, get out there and show some interest.


Truth is, I love my mother and in no way wanted any of this to sound offensive to you mothers out there. Truth is, all of this will probably make sense one day, contradictory as it sounds to me now.  And truth is, I'll probably be saying the same thing one day.  I'll understand when I'm married.

I hope my mother's words inspired you.  Perhaps I can learn from you mothers out there who would like to comment and share your own and your mother's words of wisdom for my young future with me.

Your
Pearl Oyster