Things My Mother Says-- That Make Me Laugh

Mothers are renowned for their pearls of wisdom, their wive's tales, and the things they say that make you go:  "Like yeah, right!"

It's not that you want to disagree.  But what she has told you makes ever so little since and yet somehow deep inside you're sure it's got to be true. But how?

Here are some of the things my mother says to me that make me laugh:

They are things that I will probably say one day-- when I am a mother.

-- Why are you always trying to be different?
    I'm not trying mom.  I don't have to.  I just AM different.

-- You don't marry someone unless God reveals it to you.
     Okay, okay.  Got it.

--Is he another one of those with a "revelation" that she is his wife?
   Uhm....I thought you weren't s'posed to marry anyone without a revelation.

-- Guys usually pick a girl who is like his mother.  Girls will usually pick someone like their father.
    I thought God had a hand in this.  You tell me to let God pick my spouse.

--  When you've found the right one, you'll just know.  You'll just know.
     No comment.  It's true, but I have no comment on this one.  So you think I'm likely to pick someone who is a lot like my dad- but I have to let God pick my spouse, and when it's the right one- I"LL JUST KNOW!  K- this is awesome!

-- Don't worry about it.  It'll happen soon enough and before you know it.
    Right.  You've been happily married for 21 years.  21 years have distorted your memory of how I feel right now.

-- You'll understand when you're married.
    AKA - it's something you just can't say so I'll have to be just as cryptic when I get there.  Got it.

-- If you act like that you'll never get married.
    I thought you said to be yourself- there's someone for everyone.

-- You'll think differently when you have kids.
 What kids?  Now you're acting like I will for sure get married.  There's someone for everyone- right.  Got it.

--  You're going to marry some mamsy-pamsy.
    Uhm....no-- he'll be the one God gives me and he'll probably be a lot like my dad.

-- You'll probably marry some cowboy and be poor.
    He who has a barn full of horses is wealthy in spirit.

--Maybe it isn't God's will for you to have horses.
   Yeah, the Lord made me to be born into the world wish such a passion just so he can beat it out of me and force me to be happy in an apartment with a city-slicker who can't even drive a nail to hang a picture... you know, that mamsy pamsy you prophesied of.

-- Don't talk like that with all those big words.  Girls with sense in their head and talents intimate guys.
    Good.  That'll chase all the simpletons away and leave Mr. Amazing standing there just for me!!  A renaissance man!

-- Lemme see your pictures.  Yeah... your selection looks pretty poor.
    Selection?

-- You'll chase all the good ones away acting like that.
    Good ones?  Come again?!

-- You're "boy-crazy"!
    How come?  Because the one I was curious to get to talk to made me feel unwelcome from the word "Go" and an entire year later my curiosity turns to someone I had foregone showing curiosity about because of the previous curiosity?!

-- You're past that "stage".  Your hormones have settled.
    Good to know.  I think that's why it took me an entire year to pick myself up, dust myself off, get out there and show some interest.


Truth is, I love my mother and in no way wanted any of this to sound offensive to you mothers out there. Truth is, all of this will probably make sense one day, contradictory as it sounds to me now.  And truth is, I'll probably be saying the same thing one day.  I'll understand when I'm married.

I hope my mother's words inspired you.  Perhaps I can learn from you mothers out there who would like to comment and share your own and your mother's words of wisdom for my young future with me.

Your
Pearl Oyster

Two More Poems

So I have two more poems here.  I think the second one is better but:  they're both pretty neat.


That You Have Trials Too


I never thought until just now
That you had trials too:
Those days that beat upon your flesh.
You trudge the path
Free dragging, shoulders sagging.
The people see an ordinary man:
Dirty plates, the apron,
A meager pocket tip.
--But I see a king.
There's still a fire in your eye
When at day's end you throw the towel,
Turn the key.
Those shoulders square by morning.
That chest houses a lion's strength.
Still, I failed to think that you had trials.
I thought I was the only one
With days that quench my spirit
'ere half of it was run.
People rail against you
For a fault not quite your own.
The biting words, the tip-less table
The thoughtless waste you scrape
Into heaps of filth;
And the bare plates of thanklessness
For your pleasant smile, gentle manner.
All the good about you
Un-noticed, Unappreciated
For their lust of self-fulfillment.
But I see Deity's son
As you bow your head and pray:
Brow knit, lips trembling
In search of words unforgeable.
There's a Life in your spirit
This cesspit does not know.
Their worst tortures cannot break you.
I never thought until just now
That you had trials too.
The ebbing wave is no weaker.
The setting sun burns no less fervently.


This one is a bit more modern and yet, I hope, Poignant.

Mutual Friend


I see we have a mutual friend.
His name is Jesus.  Where did you meet Him?
He sits beside me in church many times.
I take Him with me everywhere.
He is a good friend because He listens a lot.
But I understand that sometimes He wants to talk too.
He says only good things.
We've been friends for many years and never had a fight. --
Well-- there have been times I let Him down;
But He is ALWAYS a good friend to me,
Even when I wasn't ready to apologize.
I see we have a mutual friend.
I can't be jealous really.  It's not like He spends
More time with you than me-- unless you invite Him over more.
He never turns down the invitation and
He'll never leave too early either.
He's so Awesome it's impossible for Him to ever stay too late.
There's no such thing as time when He's around.
He shows me all the coolest things about Himself and His Life.
I always love spending time with my friend Jesus.
Seems you and I both like that.
I see we have a mutual friend.
He's spoken highly of you to me--
Though He never speaks badly of anyone.
I'm sure He's said some pretty nice things about me
Even after I didn't invite Him over for a while last week.
I was just so busy.  But that's just how great He is!
I see we have a mutual friend.
He pointed you out to me in that crowd--
Said you were His son and He loved you.
He thought I might like to get to know you a little.
May I introduce myself?  I see we have a mutual friend.



Thanks for reading.  Leave a comment and let me know what you think of my blog!
Yours,

The Author
Laurisa

My Recipe Book

I'm a foodie.  I LOVE food.  Boy do I love food.  

My grandfather gave me this book.  Some relatives had sent it as an encouragement gift to my grandmother when she was ill in the hospital before she passed away.  However, she never had the strength or chance to use it.  I debated for a fair while as to what to do with it.  Something kept pressing me to turn it into a recipe book.  Now, that is what it is. 

I began it by honoring my mother and grandmother in it.

I tried to use my best handwriting....tried.

I began with my favorite dish.

I continued with my next favorite dishes.

Notice how they are all spicy.  The third page was Beef and Kidney Bean Chili but the picture disappeared before I could blog it.

I wrote these recipes as my mother did.  She wrote very vaguely and simply because she knew what she was doing and she improvises a little each time she cooks.

I do not know what I am doing but I improvise every time I cook.  It usually always turns out.  I like gourmet meals as much as the easy casserole dishes.  Thing is, I like to go out and eat the gourmet things more.  

When I travel, I like to hit off the beaten path restaurants and try new things.  Each menu must be explored.

My spice cabinet shall NEVER be dull.

Signed,

Your Roux Master

Advocate For the Dark Side

Hmmm...The Dark Side- good for you it is!

So most of my friends and family laugh at me as I poo-poo Hershey's and such candy bars.
And they'll wrinkle their noses as I hork down wads of 70% and darker chocolate.  90% can be a little too bitter but some rainy days....just call for it!
My favorite blend is the 85%- PERFECT.  I like it infused with chili-peppers too for that slow-burn in the throat.  Sensational.

I'm not addicted to it though- as my mother often warns me of.  The caffeine will keep me up - or dreaming some pretty interesting stuff- if I eat a piece too close to bedtime.  The serving size is four pieces.  I eat one piece every three days or so.  I consume a two serving bar in about a month.  So I'm not addicted.  I just like Dark Chocolate.

Anyways, for those of you who have shunned, shirked, or choked on the bitter stuff- or who have never....DARED....to try it- take a look at what this website I stumbled upon has to say about it's health benefits.

Chocolate is good for you.
NO!  It isn't.
Dark chocolate is.  And Marksdailyapple will walk you through some of the AMAZING good things it does for you.

MARKSDAILYAPPLE

So now I have a thing or two to say when folks distort their faces as I swirl some hunk of the dark side into my hot-chocolate mix.  Hmmm-a toast to health.  It's no wonder only South American royalty was allowed to drink it.


Signed
Your Chocoholic
Advocate for the Dark Side