Essays of an Enigma, and Worse a Woman : I Feel, Therefore I Am

Essays of an Enigma, and Worse a Woman : I Feel, Therefore I Am

June 4, 2014 at 9:02pm

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I've been told that feelings aren't real. If you wish to disagree you will either be wrong, or.... I only "thought" I loved you.
This isn't really a battle of mind over feeling; but taking the two words "emotion" and "logic" let us compare them.

Emotion comes from the French "emovere" which means to stir up, agitate, move. Logic on the other hand is simply cognitive thought or reasoning. As far as thinking and using your head can get you in life it will never take you as far as feeling will.

I plead my case. It is well understood that you were not created using logic. Both of your parents acted upon feelings. And the process of your birth did not come about by logic.... It was very full of emotion. You are a work of art. You are inspired. You are a product of emotion- not logic. You were not thought into existence. You were felt.

If I were to simply think or reason that I was hungry after having consumed three cheeseburgers - I highly doubt I would be able to consume a fourth. But if I were to feel that I were still hungry, I would absolutely help myself to a fourth. Feelings are real. Logic is just a crutch for those who have not yet mastered the art of feeling.

"I feel therefore I am." If only Emerson had been gifted with the ability to feel he would have mastered logic. Instead he thought too much and felt too little. Computers are programmed to think, pattering our computing brains. But they are dead objects. They have no emotion, just the logic you taught them. Anything without emotion is dead. Emotion is a driving force, a dynamism, a motive that pushes us to act.

As far as what is and what isn't, I can ask you to think that you are standing in water and no matter how much thinking you accomplish you will not really experience any water against your skin. But if I set you in the bathtub and fill it with water you will feel it. Once you have felt it, you will then and only then will you be able to think properly.

I can also try to convince you to think that a potted cactus is sitting on the table next to you. Logically it is not but you are thinking that it is. Reach out and touch where your logical cactus is. Did you feel anything? Doubtful, unless you are a hypnotist or a wizard. Now allow me to set a potted cactus on the table. Feel it. Once you have felt it you will have experienced emotion and have found logic. There really is a potted cactus next to you. You didn't think it was there until you felt it.

So to those of you who joust under the banner of logic: you may continue "only thinking" that you love someone, while the rest of us "really feel" that we do.

Signed
The enigma, and worse a woman
Scorpio moon, Scorpio rising.

Words are emotions, not thoughts. Thoughts make noise in your head. Emotions make noise everywhere else in the world- in color, texture, taste, and sound. ~ Laurisa Borlovan

Tweasure

My about me mentions that I enjoy "collecting" treasure.  As an artist I like to surround myself with beauty. Artist are generally very altruistic and philanthropic, but I might just have a touch of "hoarder" in me too.  

I seem to be amassing this treasure... filling a sort of aerie with things I hope to take with me into married life.  I've always wanted a hope chest.  I'm going to need a hope truck soon.  Come quickly Mr. Right!  

My life is by no means cluttered.  If you know me, everything has a place and is always IN Its place.  But I've been blessed with wonderful things wonderful people have given me, and wonderful things I've purchased for.... modest sums.  Seriously modest sums... like this is marble or onyx Turkish tea set that normally runs $150. 

An elder lady sold it to me at a yard sale for $15.  No, I didn't leave the zero off, I mean FIFTEEN dollars.  Like how did that happen? 

I'm thrilled.  Yes, yes, earthly tweasures will pass away.  Lay not up tweasure for yourself on earth.... 

I know, but this stuff just seems to fall into my hands.  I don't go looking for this stuff.  I didn't even know what a Turkish tea set was until the elder lady told me.  How fortunate that she wanted to give it to me for $15.

 Now.... where to store it until my new life as a wife...












One of my latest obsessions has been gem and stone pyramids.  I wish so badly that I could have one of the wooden layered ones like the brothers did at the Creations class recently-- with the church ages and messenger names burned on, but these rocks are pretty neat!

The collection started with the white marble one.  Then I decided to add a natural color crystal.... and then I stumbled across da BIGGA von which has four marble layers.  Gorgeous.

God sure put a lot of beauty into His rocks.  There are so many different kinds of marble, jasper, onyx, and.... the list is endless.

Maybe it's a pointless collection for some, but they are fascinating to me.  Sometimes, when I am sitting in my room, they will catch my eye.  And every time they make me think of beautiful Mt. Zion, the city of God.  I try to imagine what it might look like, that beautiful city with it's precious walls and gates and foundations.

They make me long for home.  My tweasure is where my heart is.  And this tweasure...makes me think of the glory of what will be.... when we've reached eternity.


Signed,

Your lady gryphon

Friday the 13th: Goldie-Locks and the Cheshire Cat

I'm getting OLD!!  I turned 22 this week, and since it fell on a Wednesday, most people were shocked that I spent the afternoon in church instead of "doing something wild" or "celebrating."

What was weird, is that my family got around to celebrating on this Friday the 13th.  There happened to be a full moon tonight, which wont happen again until 2049.  I need to see if the Vatican was doing anything special this Friday the 13th.

As many of you know, of course I'm not superstitious.  Hardly.  But I got this crazy idea, since I had a leftover canvas and paint from a project, to paint this money-scheme.... If I did what the superstitious would NEVER attempt....and DARE to paint a picture on Friday the 13th!...some creepy person out there might buy the painting for... a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY!

Anyway, It took forever to settle on what to paint.  I didn't want to do anything weird...  You might think this is weird.  It arouses my morbid humor.  This painting... is what I see Friday the 13th to be. ....a sneaky little creature going around saying Boo! making people fear the day.

I started with little sketching.  The behind picture- I did not feel comfortable with.  The moon was in Sagittarius tonight -- and I don't like Centaurs myself, but the Bible in the Stars states that the constellation is really a Centaur-- a representation of the two natures of Christ.
Brother Branham did say God's other Bible was in the stars, but I wish we could have had a Christ centered astrology lesson from Him because I would love to know if the Centaur image is pure, or Babylonian influenced.  It's interesting nonetheless.

But I saw a cat.  A sneaky little trickster cat.

This was only my fourth oil painting in my entire life, and I think I'm getting the hang of it.  They're so much fun and there's so much you can do with them.  I've never done dark pictures before... so working with a full moon and hazy gray scale was interesting.  

That's me....letting my right arm do it's thing.

It kind of looked like a black cat at first.  

And then it started to look like bad luck had struck.  

Like pink toothpaste or taffy.

Or red velvet cake. 

So then I got dragged inside for a birthday party... my party.

This year, I got two presents.  That's big.

I had NO idea...what was about to happen.  I was blond...and clueless.

I was made to open mysterious packages.

DOOMED!  It was worse than I had anticipated!

This wig...is a major inside joke...on me.

The hub was wonderfully appreciated.

So after the party, I photographed the finishing touches.  I'm not sure where the inbetweens are...you kind of get swept away in the fervency of creating.

Alice in Wonderland is not a story or film I would show my kids... it's just weird.  But I'm familiar with it from school studies and the Cheshire Cat is mad, the maddest of them all, and proud of it.  And so he represents this sneaky, greasy, sly day that people fear.  Just like the devil, he slinks around causing fear and apprehension.  When you see him....are you scared?

I decided to pose with it under costume... I know, weird. Blonds sell products.  Maybe I'll use this picture to help sell the painting in the future.

Ok, I was kidding.  Not blond FOREVER.  So that is how I painted Friday the 13th.  It is finished, but still drying.  I will sign it on the back once it is dry and hopefully, sell it as an original...for a lot of money.

And this is the book cover I've been working on.  It's still drying too.  I'll add gold and shadow to the lettering to make it stand off the page once it dries. Then I can look forward to publishing my second book, which I hope will be the first of a wonderful epic fantasy series.  I call it fantasy-- it is in actuality a Christian allegory as I cannot work with characters without worrying about their souls-- 

Seriously!  How can you write about a character and never deal with their soul?! I can't.  So it's an allegory but it'll be listed under fiction/fantasy as publication limits classification categories.  

There is a Lion named Aridai, and a special Sword (The King's Sword) named Aedrhem, and a white eagle named Ruel, which means Friend of God.  But I wont ruin the story for you.  I hope to have it published by September of this year.

So for now, the blond wig hangs in my closet.  I'll pull it out for my next madcap idea...

Signed,

Your Blond